A Note From Stephen

Hello loyal freedom lovers.
I must take this time to explain to you my feelings on Ally's current and deplorable situation, and Alex's discouraging behaviour. Alex, you should be helping your sister by doing her laundry and making her dinner. All those frozen Mars bars and constant uniform of dirty underwear are a blatant cry for help. She doesn't want a hand-up, she wants a hand-out. So hand her out some delicious sandwiches or Pastaria brand microwave pastas. Wash her smelly and usually threadbare thongs or better yet, go out and buy her some.
And Ally, my love. The light of my life. Don't worry. You will be back on your feet again. And until then, you come to Papa Colbert and let me take care of things. I'll massage your tired feet and brush your beautiful blonde hair. We'll watch movies together on the futon and make popcorn.
Faithfully Yours,
Stephen William Henry Harrison Colbert