From Ally

Hey hey hey. So, I finally had a dream last night that didn't involve working. Which is good. So, anyways, my parents had bought a new house. It was really nice. Then, like a month later, they remodelled it and turned it into this gigantic home which took up all their lawnspace and shit. Seriously, the garage was like 40 feet tall and was RIGHT at the curb. It was such an eyesore. And it was all grey, so it looked like a big prison. When you got inside, it had all these messed up angles and such. Like, they clearly did it themselves and didn't hire a designer or a contractor. It was so lame. Anyways, they said they needed the space for a few extra people. i was thinking they meant me and my sister, but it turns out my Aunt Lynda, cousin Michael, and the Freemantle family (this family that went to our church in Uxbridge) were living there too. Like, 4 beds to a room. And there were beds in the hallway. Also, Mrs. Freemantle has 4 kids in real life, but the the dream she had 7. So, this was gross. So many kids and the house was filled with beds. I yelled at my parents for not getting bunkbeds (they gave everyone a Queen sized bed - like, even for the 3 year olds) and yelled at them for turning the house into a commune. It was so bad - like, cracker crumbs everywhere. I hated it. The real reason I had come home tho was because I had a highschool reunion. Now, my boyfriend said he'd never go to a highschool reunion, so I went alone. It was INSANE!! People were so unfortunate. Like, they all worked at the school as janitors and cafeteria persons. Anyways, so everyone was in really fancy dresses (lame) and my friend Amy wore her wedding dress (she just got married) but it was cool cause she only went to make fun of people. So yeah, it was in the gymnasium (double lame) and the DJ was the biggest pig. He was like "you can sleep with me for 200 bucks, if you want" and I'm like "hells no, you went to our highschool" (which may or may not have been true). So yeah, he was asking all the girls and then this one trashy girl who went to our school, who I wont mention (Ashley Howard) was like "I've got $200!" and she's like "he's a REAL DJ! I'm gonna be famous!" - Hello! He wasn't DJ AM! He was some kid with a CD player and a Dance Mix '96 album! So he takes her into "his office" (the DJ booth) and they start going at it. Well, of course everyone can see through the windows, so we're all watching and making fun. Lots of "oh, sick!" and I heard some guy go "whaaaat thaaaa faaaack??!?!" (I laughed out loud at that one). We can't see their faces, but then the DJ pops his head up and goes "yeah, I'm done" AND PULLS A MEG RYAN MASK OFF HER FACE!!! He made her wear basically a paper bag with Meg Ryan's face on it. Ho-lee shit. And she's all "best $200 I ever spent!" Then she leaves the booth and tells her friend "...I don't have enough money for rent now....what will i do?"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Anyways, it was so effed up and hilarious in the same way. I WISH my highschool reunion can be this good.

From Alex

What I remember and what haunts me is...

My parents got seperated, and my Dad at his new house got two new dogs, a dachshund and a pit bull (sick).
The weiner dog was ADORABLE but when it was doing extra adorable things, like sniffing through my hair, I'd turn around and it was a midget wearing a fucking hotdog costume.
W T F!?

Anyways I am really scared of les midges and this fucking disturbed me. And he'd make those pervy "Wee Man" faces and grimaces and it creeped me the hell out, but then it would randomly turn back into the cute fat wombly weiner dog from before.

Welp. That's it.

Jesus Christ, From Ally

Holy shit, In the words of Dave Chappelle, "I'm fuckin' dyyyyyin' man!"
A normal person works 35, maybe 40 hours a week. And lets face it - only 1 or 2 hours of that is actual work. The rest is surfing the internet and taking long lunch breaks. Don't say I'm generalizing - I DID work in an office once, people. But this week, I have clocked in 60 hours of real work. Real. Effing. Work. Like, no breaks, no sitting on my ass reading dListed.com. Anyone who knows me knows I have tremendous respect for the black community; I DO wish I was black, after all. Being white is not so great. Anyways, after all this hard work, I can sorta relate to slaves. I work really effing hard, don't see any money from it (all my money goes to rent and Rogers and Christmas presents) and do it again and again. Also, I'm pretty much committed to it till I get my '40 acres' (read: a job in advertising)
So anyways, work is hard. And I know Alex is going to give me shit for not writing about a dream, but seriously, all my dreams are is just me mixing drinks and selling $4.25 pints. Thats not a dream, THATS MY EFFING LIFE!!
Alex, on the other hand, is living in the lap of luxury and still wont update her dreams.
Rob Coddry Sez: "Come ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"
Aight, I'm out. If you wanna see my ragged ass, come to the Green Room on Bloor or Reds on Adelaide. Or just pass by the morgue. I'm sure I'll be there soon. In the meantime, I'll be singing 'Old Man River' as I work.
...and hopefully not getting my ass kicked by black people.